Filthy Voodoo Rhymes

From the spoken word album Puissance -1 by Big-Hired Assassin

my voice; which you called sultry
soft & delicate
& so full of passion
has become cold & raspy
& i want to sing something beautiful
something which would make you
dream fragile things
i can not help but try to conquer the void
for i am empty
i have nothing left to offer
& your beauty does not need me
does not long for me
w/ in this thought
i pray for innocence
but it does not admire me
& what do they call my poetry
scarred & bitter
& full of rage
there will never be another night
spent beside you, me love
another chance to suck each other’s brain
or to dwell in the sex crazed frenzy
& god does not need
more soldiers
nor does he need more pirates
the holocaust of doubt
has gassed me
bitten & smashed me
give me another evening
to deliver my woes
to envision my sorrow
but not to dance w/ fools
something powerful
something different
must i continue to bask in
these filthy voodoo rhymes
away from tribes; tender flowing dreams
& the opportunity to bathe in triumph
instead of drown in disappointment
nothing feels the same w/ out you
you, whom the killer took
& left immortal
amongst the crashing tidal waves
& the dummies who
think of you

call upon he who leads the dogs
into the devilish caverns
where mystery staged her name
& saw fit to dye the welkin
w/ precious paint
& frail hands
i know the prison in which she weeps
when the weapons become strong
& the people weak
the final showdown
the mental freak
the book-worm
the circus creep
who lit the lamps on 24th street
& held justice in his hand
before the post war began
worry not
in time the demons sleep
& the cancer subsides
the papers fill the basket
& the piano delights the senses
& while the orchestra
demands sullen notes
the chords deliver electric wizardry
all the while…you forget misery
& leave him in pleasantry
behind the gentle facade lies sorcery
& your spine ignites like it is
a road to destiny
live there my friend…away from despair
crumple the targets & shoot the fiend
who stole your purity
no joust for liars & hanging thieves
or late night encounters w/ visionary
live there in the silence of romance
& the frowning mothers
profound fears
live there in america
where freedom shines
on the backs of the
starving artists
& their misunderstood
alliance

i have decided
to quit my weary approaches
& move on w/ my gift of song
& to you
my beautiful poetic princess
i wish you happiness
& honor your new name
& let me not forget
your soft lips on my brow
your perfumed essence
stained w/ the stench from gamblers
who admire your presence
this is all they can do
because no man alive
is worthy of your courtship
or to feel your softest skin
your angled body
your words of wisdom
if you were a century old
you would still shine
in this undisciplined mind
which thinks of you
kind & powerful
& full of spirit
now that my hands tremble
& my body grows tainted
my words seem less important
w/ in this asylum, w/ it’s riches
& it’s decadence
i respect the words
which flow seeming endless
only in dreams do things seem so everlasting
left unharmed by the wicked ways of war
the moon which casts deliverance upon you
brings me grief
as it disappears
into your eyes
lost forever
& tucked away
in the unspoken words
hidden by your smile
i shall miss you
when time takes you
into her raven wings

mother, i do not feel strong
i do not feel lucky either
so what should i do
in this dark hour
i finally understand you
w/ pride i endure
the killer
i persevere
through the torment
of not feeling your arms around me
to sing me to sleep w/ your tone deaf ears
& your unsure miraculous voice
i regret not being w/ you
when the houses crumbled
& i walked for days on the silent oath
that i made in brushton
w/ the graveyard, i too, became silent
as giants played marbles on canada
as vagrants filled the booths
as memories faded
& pictures grew worn
the fields reassured me
of serenity
but then again
so did the mortuary
the fog
& the orchards
the wild barns
& the shallow strangers
jinxed from superstitions
myths & fairy tales
fed perversions
through foolish trails
& i entered the church
in an attempt to appease you
& i joined the holiday smashers
the cannibalistic preachers
the redundant verses
to appease you
now i am still a boy
in a man’s world
or since this is the 21st century
maybe a woman’s
either way i forgive you
& still call you
the master of change

this does not come easy to me
it is, in a sense, an exorcism
i let the demons have their way
then, & only then, do i
have the opportunity
to engage in harmony
i become one
understand that i have no choice
it is purely a coincidence
a nuisance
teresa
i wonder about you
where you are
& what you do
i recall buena vista
& the wild claims
your brilliant smile
your tortured brain
manitou
your strange ways
ritualistic ways
acid into our veins
captain rum
& drifting away
intoxicated fame
you, the drifter
seattle & alaskan boat ships
halloween & embracing lips
i am sorry that i grew
to disappoint you
your smile could topple cities
i remember our discussions
& how you saw bridges in my eyes
late night tarot readings
you always found me when i needed it most
if i could do it all over again
i would only change one thing
can you find me here?
have i lost my way?
wherever you are
i hope you still believe
that i am one of a kind
i too, have been burnt
by the pharaonic dirt

glass chambers
reflect nothing
only silence

fallen men
bubonic plague
the guardian of tidal waves

napalm death
air raids
futuristic technological slaves

wisdom & mathematical gods
take pride in being hitler
& only needing programs & logs

mute spectators
pay for this
w/ their minimum wage

value your possessions
your materialistic holocaust
will show you the way

pray w/ me for more money
more shallow fateful memories
more fatal potency

if hitler were a man
i’d respect you
& give you my aid

you, who ride the vast region
& need not open an eye
enchanting mammal kin

i can not relate
& desecrate
your children’s land

however, if you pay my rent
& my library fees
maybe, we can work something out

stale bread & recycled water
does get old & bitter
no need for the rights once granted thee

doesn’t it amaze you
how many of us are dying
& all of you dear people
who have touched my life
both good & bad
i’ve not truly explained
how this works
this great machine
this mechanical thing
see, i do not rewrite these words
i type them as they are
i am not a designer
or a sculpture
i am not a well read argument
or a prepared speech
yes, i do it w/ ease
yes, at any moment
yes, it writes itself
& all of you who know me
& read this garbage
tell me that you
wish you could do the same
no
you do not want this
if you only knew
then you would cast it aside
w/ out another thought
& you would try to forget it
because it is poetry
or prose
or verse
it has many titles
but the truth is
it has only one meaning
it means experience
& in the worst way
i have no control over
whether or not it happens
& yes, i am a hypocrite
because it allows me to be
whatever i desire
but it makes me what i abhor as well
if you want it
it is yours
i do not own or possess it
& it comes w/ no titles or deeds
you can not trade it in
or throw it out

you can not invest it
or wait for it to mature
& it holds no position
in the stock exchange
it does not make you better or holier
than anybody else
it is only poetry
or prose
or verse
it has many titles
but the truth is
you only love & respect it
because you have no other choice
it’s not due for departure anytime soon
if i could give it to you
i would
but i am not god
i am not the omega
or the supreme
nor am i the alpha
i do not breathe fire
or walk on water
i am only a man
no, i’m a poet
who is afraid to die
afraid to speak
afraid to live
afraid to be alone
afraid to fight
afraid to sing
afraid to write
afraid of you
afraid of me
& most importantly
afraid of poetry
or prose
or verse
it has many titles
but the truth is
when i find myself in this debris
& the nihilism subsides
along w/ the cancer
i will cordially invite
all of you to the ceremony
where we can relearn
what it is like
to be a child

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