Envy

From the spoken word album Puissance -1 by Big-Hired Assassin

desperation settles in my stomach like a bad glass of milk
i can not depend on you or your filthy lies
which you send me through the mail
i sat in the corner of the room, waiting for a sign.
some sort of life, love or beauty
it (life) never appeared
now, i sing my madness on my machine gun
my lungs filled w/ poison and smoke
my heart pumping toxins
my hands loading the gun
i feed your vampires…i keep them healthy
i dream of bodies…naked and violent
spun in some mechanical web of desire
the constant thought of death on my mind
i am selfish…consumed w/ concentration
i need the differences which separate us
it reminds me that i am not you
but how i have longed to be
because your lips move so sweetly
your tongue transcends erotica
your neck is perfect
your body…healthy…pure…clean
you…i want to be you…only you
no one else makes me worship
no one else makes me pray (prey)
you are the innards of christianity itself
you had the roman empire built
you crucified christ
you caused the great depression
you ended up being the only one who was unique
you questioned everything and never accepted anything
unless it proved valid in your thoughts
yet, you were able to dismiss it w/ out hating yourself
you are beauty
a stallion… a changeling… a chameleon
you dominate the peasants w/ out causing suffering
you do not need approval to remain loyal to your ideas
you, the bearer of truth
you intoxicate me… i am drunk w/ envy
i lust after your strength… your passion
just once i would like to be you
just for a moment
then i would know
if you are real

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